Things I did not expect to happen to me today.... (Or... Icky, yucky, nasty things that happened to me today)

1. I did not expect to have to clean throw up out of my bra.

2. I did not expect to have to clean throw up off of my back...then later find it on my butt. Not sure if that was actually a continuation of the spit up that Ben managed to shoot down my back or if I sat in someone else's puke later.

3. I did not expect to have to clean up throw up from way down in the guts of the couch between the back cushion and seat. See above. When you sit down the seat pulls away from the back of the couch and creates a little pocket that puke loves to hide in. This is the third time it has happened which only leads me to believe that it probably has happened more but I am the only one that catches it. I am amazed that this couch does not smell like cheese. In my mind those little stinkers give each other points for puke "baskets." 10 points for Mom's hair, 10 points for down her shirt, 20 points for hitting the lap top, 25 points for making it in Mom's drink which is sitting on the floor, 30 points if she actually takes a drink because she did not realize that there is in fact regurgitated formula floating in it, and so on... My only consolation is that they do indeed also puke on each other. Ha. Ha. Ha. We have even been known to "aim" at each other while burping babies. We may have mental problems.


4. I did not expect to have to scrub poor little Jack's face to get the crusty throw up off of his hair, eyelashes, and ears. Apparently he spit up while doing tummy time and I was changing Lily in the other room. He never cried, wimpered, or made any noise that anything was wrong. I don't know if I should be proud of his sweet disposition of feel bad because he just gave up and layed in it.


5. I did not expect to have to dig hard poop out of someone else's bottom with a thermometer. O.k., actually this happened last night but I was so traumatized by it that I am still suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. Poor Lily appears to be a tad constipated. I'm not sure who cried more, me or her. She is now on a strict regimine of pear juice. This will not happen again or we will both run away from home. Apparently I am the only one qualified to perform this operation (because I once worked in a hospital?) and no one else will touch that thermometer (which actually has butt written on it with a sharpie) with a ten foot pole.

"You're gonna do what?"
"Please...I'm begging you...NO!"

All pooped out...literally.

6. I did not expect to have to pick up poop from off of the floor. The harder and rounder it is...the more it appears to roll out of the diaper, take a few hearty bounces, and hide behind the door. I'm sure this could be put into lyrics to "On Top of Old Smokey". Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

7. I did not expect to have to emergently wash their sleep sacks because one had poop on it (the poop bounced off of the wrap first), one had pee on it, and somebody (not naming any names) puked on their brother's wrap. I will only say the wrap was green...

8. I did not expect to get a little teary-eyed (damn hormones) this morning when I had all three babies lying on a blanket in the floor and they were all smiling and giggling at me. I am their Mommy. They love me. It is the most fantastic feeling in the whole world. They are damn lucky I am not bothered by gross stuff.

Addendum... Stuck my thumb in more poop and performed my first ever enema tonight (obviously not on the same baby whose poop I stuck my finger in). Let the good times roll.

Best Buds....