I am so sad.

I am leaving the country. I am not leaving out of frustration, fatigue, or insanity. I am leaving on vacation...to Jamaica...away from my babies...

It seemed like a good idea. Until now. Now it seems like a very, very, very bad idea. Terrible actually. I swear I don't need a vacation. I don't want to go away.

Let's forget that it's free. Let's forget that it's at the Ritz-Carlton. Let's forget all of that. Can we forget to go to the airport???

I know I can do this. I know that I need to do this. I know that a few days of relaxation, sleep, and sun worshiping will rejuvinate my heart and soul. Plus, did I mention that it was free?

But what about Jack's big open-mouthed grin that he has for me when he sees me in the morning? What about Bennie's squeal of delight when he sees me peek over the top of his crib? What about Lily's big, giant, amazing smile she has for me when I just say her name? How can I leave all of this? They are so amazing and wonderful I don't want to miss one minute...much less four nights.

I know they will be well taken care of...if not EXTREMELY spoiled. I also know that if they are too spoiled I will make the grandparents come back and fix them. I'm serious...I know ya'll read this.

I just love being with them. I've gotten so used to them and their funny little ways. They seem to kind of like me too. Will they miss me as much as I miss them? Heck, will they even know I'm gone? I think they will.

I am SO PROUD of Brian and his success. This trip is courtesy of Schwabb and Brian's great work ethic. He made Chairman's Club this year and we are on our way to meet good old Chuck...and get a private concert from John Legend. We will be living the high life for the next few days...Brian really deserves this. He is one of a kind and his hard work allows me to enjoy raising my babies at home. Thank you and I love you!

Farewell. I will be back Tuesday and will share pics of my first vacation as a Mom. I sincerely hope that I will not be crying in all of them.