This has indeed turned into a full-time position. You would think that I might have been spending time feeding, changing diapers, sleeping, whatever... Nope.
Oh for the love of a Wubbanub... For those who do not know what I'm talking about, they are small stuffed animals attached to pacifiers... As far as I know you can only get them online. Which I did, about a month ago. I was sure these were the answer to many of our pacifier problems, but they might have created more...see below.
- There are 3 babies...three different animals...MUCH less pacifier confusion.
- Less pacifier chasing...Those stupid things can roll 20 feet and hide under a couch in less than 2 seconds.
- They are much less able to projectile spit them across the room. The stuffed animal portion weighs them down. My children could win a sunflower spitting contest hands down.
- They are a little bit easier to keep in their mouths because you can prop the animals next to them in bed. This is mostly wishful thinking...
- They are pretty stinkin' cute.
- They are still pacifiers.
- It is in a pacifier's nature to fall out. This is what they do. They are evil.
- They appear to collect things like dog hair, fuzz, and are wonderful at absorbing puke.
- Instead of just falling out they like to attack faces. For reals. I stick it in, I turn around, the baby starts crying, I turn back around, the animal is flailing around their face beating them about the head and shoulders. O.K., not really, but that's what I imagine they think is happening.
- They turn into flying objects. Not kidding. Lily has indeed managed to fling hers halfway across the room... That girl has an arm on her.
Jack and Red Dog...
Jack is somewhat ambivalent about the whole pacifier thing. UNLESS you want to stand there and hold it in for 45 minutes or so. Once you put it in you better be committed. The next hour will be spent putting it in, walking away, screaming, running back to put it in, repeat forever... It's gotten to the point we just ignore the fact that we have a Red Dog unless it is almost time to eat because that is the only thing that works at that point. Good old Red Dog is our last means of defense. Thank God for the swing.
Ben and Frog Man.
Once again I find myself uttering the phrase..."Thank goodness for Ben." He is the success story. Frog Man ALWAYS works and he holds it in his mouth 80 percent of the time. In my book that is a winning percentage. Talk about double standards. This means Ben always has Frog Man and it is stuck in his mouth a bunch. When I am downstairs and hear him screaming all the way upstairs I can put it back in his mouth and it buys me another 30 minutes. I can't ask for anything more. Sweet, easy Baby Ben. On the flip side...this is his baby crack. I'm fairly sure he would toss me aside in favor of Frog Man. He is seriously, sadly addicted to this little green guy. I admit I feed the addiction out of pure self preservation. I hope I am not creating a monster.
Lily and the Penguin...
This is a failed relationship. For as good as Ben is at holding Frog Man in, Lily is equally as bad. That poor girl. She actually does a pretty good job keeping it in her mouth but it takes some concentration. As soon as she loses concentration for a second the mayhem ensues. The damn penguin begins to attack her face. O.K., what really happens is that the thing falls out of her mouth, it startles her, and she begins to flail wildly with her arms. Imagine little baby karate moves. This somehow propels the penguin toward her face where it appears to dance around and peck her eyes out. I imagine this is how she pictures the whole ordeal. All the while she is whacking at it. Somewhere in the middle she screams angrily, snorts, screams angrily, snorts, and so on. Her cry really needs some work. It's a great source of humor for us. It then gets thrown on the floor or across the room. I am a terrible Mom because I never wash them off after they hit the ground. It's just an impossibility. I then fetch and repeat the dreaded process. Again, she really only gets it when she's hungry or nothing else will calm her down.
So you see how I spend my days. It's a lesson in futility...for us all. I have sworn that I will be rid of these dreaded pacifiers by the time they are 9 months. Any veterans out there who have said the same thing? I know they need them right now because sucking is the way they soothe themselves. I'm beginning to think the way I can soothe myself is to set them on fire. Which I will do. Someday. Until then I pray they find their fingers. Soon.
Oh yes, one more thing. Valentine's Day came and went and I was a terrible blogger and didn't post their first pics. So here you go. You will notice Ben got so excited about the morning photo shoot that he spewed his breakfast down his chin. And on my bed. Yeah!