Writing things down has always helped me get through difficult times. I often have dialogue running through my head and it is a relief to get it out on paper (or in type). We've been through a lot in the last few weeks which is why you haven't heard much from me. Bear with me, this is more for my me than anyone else. This is my therapy, this is my eulogy, this is my goodbye. So here you go.
And so began our life with Kita. For almost as long as there has been a Brian and I, there has been a Kita as well. The honest truth is that if not for her there might not have been an us. No matter what the difficult times brought...arguments, stupidity, and even a long-distance relationship...she was the tie that was never broken between us.
And the hair. Oh the hair. Can I tell you how many times I cursed the hair? I wore her hair, ate her hair, vacuumed her hair, brushed her hair, lint-rolled her hair, and found her hair in the oddest of places. I can't count how many hundreds of times I wished that hair away.
For so many years we dragged her everywhere. We stayed gone all day, we went out at night, and and she always adapted. She's lived in multiple houses and apartments. In the most unselfish act ever, Brian let me take Kita to live with me in Houston for the two years I was in grad school. And then I made him marry me to get her back! She was my companion for all of my drives back and forth to Houston. She even went on camping trips with us. She was always there, for the good and the bad.
I became an adult with her by my side. I graduated college. I graduated from OT school. I married the love of my life. I bought my first house. I bought my second house. I had my children. She has ridden shotgun in every car I have ever owned. I always had her.
For the past 2 years, barring the month I was in the hospital, she's been my constant companion every single day. She drove me crazy some days. I'm sure I did the same to her. And while I knew she was getting old, I never stopped to think how it would feel when she wasn't here anymore. Why is that? We tolerated each other like a crazy old couple who have been together for years, with sweet moments here and there. And a lot of nagging.
As with everything else we have done to her, she tolerated the babies. I can't say she was happy about it. But, we worked through it. There were days I would be so frustrated with her, but I realize now it was just a difficult situation for us both. I wanted to be able to trust her around the babies and she wanted them to leave her alone. There were days I thought it would be easier for me if she just wasn't here. This is the one thing I wish I could take back more than anything. Why is it so easy to take the simplest of things for granted?